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Jul. 2nd, 2009

caveman

Could it be... the BEST TRAILER EVER?


Official Trailer: Ace Frehley's Anomaly

The other day I tried to do an impression of RJ's dad doing an impression of Robert Plant singing "Whole Lotta Love" and I ended up sounding just like Ace. Huh.

Jul. 1st, 2009

Julia Rose Sevin

Hint Fiction anthology

Hey, writers! Got lots of big ideas but no time to write your big stories?

Why not try Hint Fiction? Robert Swartwood's brainchild recently took a turn as a contest judged finally by Stewart O'Nan (and won, easily, by my extremely talented and handsome friend Mr. Gary Braunbeck), which inspired the upcoming Hint Fiction Anthology!

Hint Fiction is a form in which 25 words or less are used to *hint* at a larger story, to intrigue and inspire thought. The anthology pays $25 per piece and will be published in 2010 by W.W. Norton.

Color me charmed. I think it's hecka cool and I'm hecka doing it. (My first submission will include the word "hecka" thrice, amounting to fully 15% of that story's content.)

Also, if you blog about it between now and August 15th and include the link in your submission email, you get to sub three stories instead of two. Gotcha, suckahs! Money flows to the hos!

Jun. 23rd, 2009

sea prince

No, dreams! noooo

Last night Luke was having a particularly hard time getting relaxed for bed. I'm normally a bit of a hard case about him falling asleep by himself, but his antics softened my heart and I lay down with him. I asked him what he was going to dream about, and he said "dinosaur island", which has a volcano. I said I was going to dream about snow, but he insisted that we put our foreheads together so we could both dream about Dinosaur Island; I said we could meet up there and have an adventure.

This morning he woke up bawling, inconsolable, with his knee hurting, all because a T-Rex ate him.

:(

His knee seems to be a serious matter, actually, as he winces terribly whenever he bends it. He took a tumble while running in the laundromat last week. He limped on it for an hour but it really seemed fine since then. I think he re-banged it on the wall in his sleep. He's got some Motrin in him now and he's kicked back watching the original Transformers cartoon. What a trooper.

The pediatrician's going to call me back. There may be an x-ray in our future.

Jun. 20th, 2009

caveman

I know I just spammed for the newsletter, but...

I want to remind everyone about [info]creepinghemlock, a lonely little two-year-old lj account that's going to get more attention from now on. Use it to keep updated on news and deals. Thanks.

Jun. 19th, 2009

coffeehouse

Hotplate question

Do y'all suppose (or even better, know) whether a hotplate can be relied upon to heat a pot of liquid to 350 degrees? Is that demanding too much from something that I think is intended principally to boil? Would brand matter in this?

Thanks.

Jun. 16th, 2009

coffeehouse

[REC] and DEAD SNOW

I've reviewed recent(ish) foreign horror films DEAD SNOW (Norway) and [REC] (Spain) and examined them specifically as the inverse of the normal trend we have coming out of Hollywood: they are influenced by American cinema to the point of feeling like the same retreads we seem to tire of over here imbued with varying degrees of their own cleverness, but the international flair they're necessarily lent makes them feel downright refreshing.

[REC] is presented as the recovered footage captured by a TV crew during a zombie outbreak late one night in Barcelona. DEAD SNOW is a zombie comedy pastiche set in the gorgeous Norwegian Alps. They're both fine viewing, though DEAD SNOW, I think, earns the rank of classic.

Check out the review at FearZone.com.

Jun. 12th, 2009

Optimist Prime

Great Engrish: Notice for Hotel Guests

This one's good to read aloud (perhaps in that stiff newscaster/flight attendant voice) to anybody around who tolerates such silliness.



From Engrish.com.

Oh, on the note of my avatar today: Luke's gotten into watching Gremlins, and we noticed that Peter Cullen does the voice work for one of the little buggers. We thought it'd be cute to hear all of Gizmo's lines dubbed over in Cullen's (later) trademark bass. For that matter, one character in every movie, even if it doubles the budget to snag this highly-prized actor, should have one Cullen voiceover. This includes new DVD releases of classic films. We'd like to see him re-do all of Mark Hamill's lines in the Star Wars movies, to start.

Jun. 9th, 2009

sea prince

Things that should be win but are FAIL

Now, I love Cheap Trick. I also love me some Transformers, and I am shamelessly excited about the new flick.

Cheap Trick puts up a song for the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen soundtrack, and it is TERRIBLE, overworked, outdated and impossible to get through. As far as kickass themes go, it is the absolute-zero of FAIL. It's FAILsville.

Check it out behind the cut, if you have some kind of masochistic streak.
Embedded youtube vid of the track. )

May. 31st, 2009

coffeehouse

Sign up for Creeping Hemlock newsletter?

We haven't done a newsletter sign-up sweep in... well, ever.

Sign up for the Creeping Hemlock Press newsletter to receive occasional (usually quarterly) updates about new titles, sales and offers, events, exceptional reviews, and awards. Just email us at admin@creepinghemlock.com with "Newsletter" in the subject line.

Thanks!

May. 30th, 2009

sea prince

UP

I enjoyed Up while I watched it and was near tears for much of it. But once we got out of the theater and started talking about it, I realized that the narrative and the character depth were really subpar, but shiny visuals, proficient acting, and Trust in Pixar ensured that the shameless, hamfisted heartstring-yanking would have the intended effect of making you feel like This Movie Matters. This Movie Touched Me.

In fact, I think the setup entirely abuses the audience. First of all, it shamelessly rips off It's a Wonderful Life. Picture the difficulty of Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed's life, but Donna can't have children! *gasp*

As desperate and open-hearted as protags Carl and Elly are, adoption never occurs to them, since heartbreaking childlessness very critically goes toward building their identities (like Ma and Pa Kent, really--even if it defies all logic, they HAVE to remain childless for the story to go where it needs to). Which is to say, we're supposed to think they're all the more tragic and pitiable.

Carl and Elly spend the rest of their life together attempting to save up for some jetsetting but assorted random costs over the decades keep the savings limited and then Elly dies and Carl immediately turns into a bitter old man who finds himself whacking a well-intentioned construction worker so hard with his cane that he draws blood. (This is the best moment of the movie, a peek at real drama, and firmly grounds it in reality, if only thinly-rendered reality.) Worst of all, Elly is one of those Angelic Wives who exist just to die. She's utterly flawless--gorgeous, sunny, and oh-so-committed--and thus more valuable than a "regular" character who maybe, I don't know, frowns sometimes? or feels a justifiable amount of bitterness over her crushed dreams? or gets angry when disaster occurs? Nah, these are marks of an inferior wife whose death is no great cause for grief. Elly is MAGICAL, so you know you have to feel REALLY bad for Carl and his TREMENDOUS loss. (FEEL, DAMMIT!)

Ten minutes later, Angry Geezer jumps out of reality and accomplishes the absurd. All semblances of real-world tangibility are shed when he ties enough helium balloons to his house to rend it from the foundation and pipes and go soaring away from the city, all the way to South America.

It just gets crazier from there. There's a bird from Ice Age, a bunch of poorly-designed dogs talking via translator collar from some Dreamworks piece of shit, I guess, and an immortal villain with a shitty motive.

There are many good moments of humor and, as I said, proficient acting (both voice-acting and the subtle expression animation that has been Pixar's bread and butter since The Incredibles, at least). This movie has no particular driving visuals, no coherent sense of narrative type, and no respect for its audience. Pixar thinks it can press a button marked CRY! and keep you coming back for more.

Eh, I've lost interest.

ETA: On the up side, while this was supposed to include a trailer for Toy Story 3 and inexplicably didn't, I was very pleased with the trailer for New Orleans-set, traditional cel-animated The Princess and the Frog.

May. 27th, 2009

Rapestove

On Drag Me to Hell, which I have tonight seen

Okay, #1: I love this title

#2: it's been way too long since Raimi did the shit he's best at

#3: some young teens in the theater were actually SCREAMING, like long, pitch-perfect screaming, and it was awesome

#4: handkerchiefs are the new cat-jumping-out-of-a-closet

#5: I like free stuff, suck it

Overall: yes.

A link, being that of my review of Drag Me to Hell at The Dead Don't Die, which has included in its content the very line as follows: "Justin Long is a fucking blight", and then some content more, being, as it were, a full review of the traditional type

May. 21st, 2009

Julia Rose Sevin

Espresso or Bustelo!

I bought something called Cafe' Bustelo because it was the cheapest espresso in the store. Cuban-style, apparently. How fucked up is this going to taste compared to the Lavazza Crema E Gusto I've just wiped out? We're about to find out...

May. 20th, 2009

coffeehouse

Aprony Update

Carole Lanham, Horror Homemaker sez:

Wow.  You are one popular apron model.  The hits have started pouring in.   Thank you for helping to spread the word about your photo and my site  :  )

 
EGO APPEASEMENT: WIN

May. 19th, 2009

coffeehouse

The Horror Homemaker and me

Carole Lanham, the "Horror Homemaker", presents the Apron Hall of Fame.

Yeah, I'm a ham. A ham without a shirt.

May. 17th, 2009

caveman

Jeff Strand and wife at the Not-Green-Day concert


Optimist Prime

Jam WOW

The DJ responsible for this, one Mr. Steve Porter, says quite rightly:
It's no Rap Chop, just merely a different take to conclude the Vince box-set.

I'll roll with that.


May. 15th, 2009

Julia Rose Sevin

I'm tellin' y'all it's sabataage.

In response to the song "Sabotage" being used in Star Trek, some people have complained that, two centuries into the future, nobody would listen to the Beastie Boys anymore (at least not as a sign of youthful rebellion).

Apparently it's an in-joke.

And the joke is Shatner.


whee

No Shatner, Sherlock

One of the most amusing things to me about the recent Star Trek release is the conspicuous absence of Bill Shatner. He's gone past hammy and is just so overused at this point, I couldn't imagine him being anything other than a joke in the movie. I thought the producers felt the same way I did and had blocked his doubtlessly insistent self-promoting.

In this regard I came to think of him as the opposite of Nimoy. Nimoy read the script for 1994's reprehensible Star Trek: Generations and absolutely refused to have any part of it. Shatner had no such standards at the time. I saw Nimoy's (deep and enthusiastic!) involvement in the new Star Trek as indicative that it was a truly good film. Shatner's absence supports this hypothesis as well.

However, according to a today's (spoilerific, for those who care) post by  [info]angelophile, J.J. Abrams & Co. wanted to involve Shatner from the getgo.

Get the skinny over at his livejinny (it's not long, and very interesting).


May. 14th, 2009

Rapestove

Project: Rooftop

Some guys at tencentticker.com hold a occasional contests for comic book hero costume redesigns, called Project: Rooftop. Right now they're charging artists with redesigning Wolverine's look.

I so would have done this, but of course I only learned about the project today, and the Wolverine deadline is tomorrow. Shit. Even two days would have been enough, but one?

Damn. Thanks, Universe.

Ah well. I only like to draw Wolverine naked, anyway. I think that's the best representation of his character. Do I sound like a pervert? He's a fucking animal--he doesn't need to disguise his identity or protect his skin or carry around pouches and nunchucks and shit. Fucker doesn't even need shoes. I really think all that would just bind him up and get in his way and annoy him. If anything, I might give him a set of adamantium-laced briefs--you know, for modesty's sake.

Or maybe not. Not up here, anyway.

May. 13th, 2009

coffeehouse

Jeme's killing me, AKA Auto-Tune the News

This weekend's "Mother Lover" SNL skit left me feeling... empty. Cold. Unsatisfied.

My new buddy Jeme (whom we met in line to see WATCHMEN, if you recall, and who doesn't do anything online other than Facebook, the cunt) just sent this to me to fill the void.

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